


Obligatory Fluffy Breakfast Oneshot

by NotThatSavvy



Category: Law Abiding Citizen (Polygon)
Genre: Breakfast, Fluff, I still don't know how tags work, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-07-07
Updated: 2017-07-07
Packaged: 2018-11-29 02:16:12
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,915
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11431071
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/NotThatSavvy/pseuds/NotThatSavvy
Summary: It's their anniversary and Doug tries to surprise Russ with a home-cooked breakfast. Considering the fact that he's a demon and does not know how to cook it uh...doesn't go very well.(Basically what the title says. I just need more cute things with these boys, I love them so much)Edit: Now with illustrations from http://pastelerror.tumblr.com/ !!





	Obligatory Fluffy Breakfast Oneshot

"Russeeeellll~" Doug's voice came uninvited and Russ wearily sat up, rubbed the sleep out of his eyes, and blinked at the reddish, blurry form of his demon boyfriend. He reached a hand out into the darkness to find his glasses and, once he laid his hand on the familiar end table, he picked them up and put them on, making the scene before him infinitely less blurry.

After waking up so often in ridiculous places, he was slightly surprised to find that he was in his actual apartment, but not too surprised as it had been a while since he and Doug officially "met," and since then the crime-filled nights had quieted down and things had become a bit more domestic. The long gaps in his memory had become much shorter, and the murderous rampages (strangely enough) were a lot more familiar. It was strange. Knowing Doug as more than just a voice in his head had changed quite a lot in...well, everything. Russ supposed it was because he had reassurance now that he wasn't just imagining this whole thing. Or that, if he was, he was a lot crazier than he first thought.

Regardless, the demon's form provided him with comfort, and having an actual presence trailing after him on his missions was definitely nice. But waking up at 3 in the morning to Doug hovering above him wasn't exactly a normal occurrence, and the nervous grin on the demon's face was enough to wake him up completely. Doug only had that look when something went very, very, wrong. And judging by the smell of smoke in the air, his assumption was probably right.

"Doug, what did you do?" Russ demanded worriedly as he jumped up, his feet slipping into the warm slippers by the foot of his bed before he dashed into the kitchen, sliding past the doorframe just a bit on the slippery wood floor.

Russell wasn't sure what exactly he expected when he ran into the brightly lit room, but it wasn't a dining room table decorated with bright red flowers and full of plates of mostly burned breakfast foods. A buffet of eggs, toast, bacon, hash browns, grits, porkchops, pancakes, and even a plate of fruit (which was also somehow burned) sat in front of him, along with an empty plate and a tall cup of orange juice.

"Surprise, Russsss!!" Doug greeted him awkwardly, popping into existence next to him, his wings fluttering nervously behind him and his face a bit red.

Russ looked over at him, and then he looked back over to the table of food in shock. "Doug, did you-?"

"Happy Anniversary, Russell! Or at least, it's probably our anniversary... Time's always been a bit wonky for us, but regardless, it is most likely, probably, the day we first began our adventures together!" One of Doug's semi-spectral wings hit the glass of orange juice, causing it to spill on the floor and making Doug flinch. "Oops." He said quietly, finally landing on the floor of the apartment and tucking his wings into his long red robe.

Russell stared at his friend in shock, not really sure what to make of all this. He truly had had no idea that it was their anniversary, and even if he had, he never expected Doug to do anything like...this.

"Yes, it may have been just a tad bit too much..." Doug admitted sheepishly. "But don't worry, I didn't expect you to get me anything in return. It was all a bit spur of the moment to be quite honest." The demon snapped his fingers and suddenly the glass of orange juice was back on the table, like nothing even happened. The fresh cup of OJ looked very out of place amongst the overcooked food, and Russ wondered suddenly if Doug knew how to cook at all. He didn't have to eat of course, so he probably had to google it or something.

An image of the demon standing at his cluttered stove, wearing a chef's hat over one of his horns, a "Kiss the Cook" apron over his red robe, and a perplexed expression on his face as he tried to figure out how to make eggs appeared suddenly in Russ's mind and he couldn't help but chuckle a bit at the thought.

Doug frowned. "What? Why are you laughing?" He asked, looking confused and a little bit offended.

"Nothing, don't worry about it." Russel responded innocently, giving the demon a quick peck on the cheek. He was still stifling a bit of laughter as he sat down in an empty chair, picking up the empty plate and starting to put food on it.

Doug blushed, flustered at Russ's sign of affection, but he still didn't seem all that convinced. His suspicion dissipated immediately when he saw the other begin to fix a plate of food though and a wide grin stretched across his face as, in no time, he was by Russ's side, watching him expectantly. The demon looked happier than Russ had ever seen him, his tail wagging like an excited dog and his red eyes shining with a hopeful glee. "So? What do you think?" Doug asked, still smiling.

Russell rolled his eyes as he picked up a piece of the strangely rubbery, burnt, bacon. "Hold on, I haven't tried it yet."

"Eat it, Russell, do it! I command you to!" Doug demanded, the playful tone that usually appeared when they were on their adventures present in his voice.

The human man laughed at the demon's antics as he took a bite of the unusual looking bacon. Immediately though, he stopped laughing.

It was silent for a long time in the apartment before finally, Doug spoke. "...Is it good?" He asked.

Russel chewed the bacon slowly and carefully, trying very hard to keep his expression neutral. The taste of the food was...indescribable. Although charred to a crunchy crisp on the edges, the majority of the bacon was ridiculously chewy and, somehow, even slimy and undercooked in the center. It tasted absolutely awful and the first instinct Russel had was to throw it up.

"It's great, Doug! Thanks!" Russ managed, forcing a shaky smile and a thumbs up as he swallowed the disgusting bacon.

Doug's eyes lit up and his wings flew out from underneath his cloak, flapping excitedly. "Oh, Russel, I'm so delighted! You've done so much for me over this year and I felt that my appreciation should be shown to you. In some small amount at least. I'll be honest, I didn't know how to cook this human garbage at all, and the recipes I looked up didn't make any sense! I'm surprised it turned out, but I'm pleased to see you enjoying yourself, Russseeelll..."

Russ nodded quickly. "Yeah! It's uh...great, Doug... I'm pretty full now though, so I think I'll save it as leftovers if that's okay." He explained as he rose from his seat and began to walk away. Suddenly, two clawed hands grabbed his shoulders and began to pull him back to the table.

"Nonsense, Russel. This is your meal! You've earned the right to stuff your face." Doug replied cheerfully.

A deep sense of dread materialized in Russel's stomach as he was sat back down at the table. "Uhhhh.... No thanks, I'm pretty full at this point.... That bacon really filled me up!"

"Don't be silly, Russ. I've seen you eat much more than that."

"Well, I had a big dinner last night and I'm still a little full from that. We can go do something else?"

"Russ, this is getting ridiculous. It's almost like you-" Doug stopped suddenly, studying Russ's expression closely. After a year of murderous rampages, travels across the universe, and an eventual relationship, the two of them were close, and Doug could hear in Russ's voice that something was wrong. They looked at each other for a bit and Doug's wings drooped when he saw the clear horror hidden behind the human's forced smile. "Russel, stop it."

Immediately feeling guilty, Russ grabbed another piece of bacon. "Actually, nevermind! I can probably eat a few more."

He started to bring it to his mouth, but the bacon was quickly plucked from his hand and Doug looked at it carefully, his eyes narrowed. Then, the demon walked across the room and unceremoniously dropped the awful thing into the garbage. A moment of silence passed as Doug stared intently at Russ, looking irritated. "Russ, it's unlike you to wallow in lies."

Russ looked embarrassed and, not meeting Doug's eyes, began to nervously push the food around on his plate with his fork. "I mean, it wasn't a total lie..."

"Russ, I just made you eat GARBAGE. If you wanted to do that, we could've just gone to Golden Corral!"

This was the second time he had mentioned the restaurant after their time on Mars and briefly, Russel wondered why Doug hated Golden Corral so much. He decided that it was better not to ask though. The demon looked pretty annoyed, upset even, and the way his wings drooped made Russ felt even worse about this whole thing. "You were so happy. I didn't want to make you feel bad..." Russ explained.

Doug huffed, crossing his arms across his crimson robe. "I'm a demon, I can deal with a little bit of disappointment. But I don't want you to have to deal with an upset stomach just because I made some crappy breakfast and you didn't want to hurt my 'feelings.'"

"It wasn't that bad." Russ replied. "Just a little burnt...and undercooked...and...kinda chewy... But it's the thought that counts!"

Doug didn't seem all that convinced, letting out a scoff and turning away. "So much for a good anniversary..." He grumbled.

Russ frowned as he got up from the table, walking across the room and putting a hand reassuringly on the demon's shoulder. "Hey, this can still be a good anniversary!" He said with a smile. "We don't have to have a big homemade breakfast or anything. We could just go to Golden Corral."

Doug stopped and looked over at him, confused. "Why Golden Corral!?"

"Well..." Russ began, reaching into the waistband of his pajama pants and pulling out a pistol. He grinned at Doug's surprised expression, waving it in the air a bit. "The laws of human decency don't apply there, right?"

Doug stared at him with wide red eyes for a few seconds, and then a sharp toothed grin spread across his face. He chuckled, shaking his head. "Oh Russel, you're magnificent." The demon purred, and with that, he embraced his human partner, his wings fluttering happily behind him. Russ hugged him back, laughing and smiling, and everything was perfect.

"I love you, Doug." Russ said, and Doug sighed, feeling happier than any demon in hell could ever be.

"I don't know what I'll ever do without you, Russel..." He responded, smiling wide.

What Doug didn't know though, was that it wouldn't be the last time he'd say that. In less than a month, after another one of their murderous vacations, he'd be standing on a volcano silhouetted by smoke and flame, holding a pair of broken, charred glasses. He'd think back on the ruined breakfast, on the smile in Russ's face, on the happiness he felt so deep in his cold heart, and he'd whisper those same words, his voice breaking with sobs.

"I don't know what I'll ever do without you..."

**Author's Note:**

> Thanks so much to http://pastelerror.tumblr.com/ for drawing art for this. It's amazing and I love it so much!! Please follow them, they're amazing. <3


End file.
